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I was banned from A Voice For Men

May 17, 2013

I wanted to come up with a catchy title. I was reminded by a quote from MovieBob regarding Captain America; “That’s right, these guys were so bad, that the Nazi’s kicked them out.” But alas, I could not come up with something poignant. The direct approach is usually the best one.

The details are probably rather inconsequential, but I’ll give you the serious of events anyway.

I posted a Rant in the rant section. I was bitching because I wanted so desperately to get something off my chest and I couldn’t.
Some posters asked what was going on. Others speculated. While some bitched about me bitching. Rather amusing considering the purpose of the Rant.
But I came back to it rather pissed of. In my reply I thanked the posters who attempted empathy, while raged against those who tried to turn my personal issues into politics.
I left for a few weeks to clear my head.
When I returned, my account was banned with the note; “Fuckhead.”

I’m not sure what it was specifically that I wrote, perhaps something about certain members damaging the movement (or how the community wasn’t grown up enough). To which I will never retract. But it was enough to warrant a ban. Sadly I didn’t even get to read the replies since then, not that I probably would have enjoyed it. But I also didn’t get to see what, if any, was my defense. However minor and fleeting those voices might have been. (A thanks to those who may have actually stood up for me)

But I did mention I was already considering leaving the forum anyway. It had become something I didn’t want to be affiliated with. For instance, turning the personal into political. I don’t particularly care for it, even when I am guilty of doing it myself. A place where discussion does not foster unless you discuss what the majority wishes to discuss. It’s a problem for any forum built for specific reasons; the democratic majority eventually drown out most if not all dissenting opinion. The ban simply made my choice for me.

But if a single, angry, non violent, dissenting post is enough to warrant someone’s removal from a community, then I certainly don’t want any part of it.

They accuse Feminists of manufacturing Misogyny, when an entire forum is devoted to every day Misandry. As I’ve explained before, just because a gendered person is the victim, doesn’t make it a gendered crime. The lengths the community went to finding fault in the mundane often confused and irritated me; especially when they complained so much when the other camp did the same.

With any movement there will be times when people butt heads. A functional community, like any relationship, will work through those differences to achieve their goals. One fight and a break up happens? What a shitty relationship. Superficial at best, but generally dysfunctional.

It didn’t help that because of the name I choose I received a fair amount of hostility from the start. But I have a thick skin, and colorful commentary did not keep me from engaging others on a more intellectual level than most posters I saw. All things considered, there were a dwindling few on the forum I cared to actually discuss anything with for any length of time. The pity party was becoming stale with tales of woe-is-me.

The initial reason I joined was one of help. To learn about people, their struggles and what I could potentially do to help. Being banned from a single community has not changed that. I successfully held my own support group. I supported a teacher accused of questionable relations with her students (yes, it happens to females to). I’ve gotten quite a few Feminists and MRA’s in various circles to actually discuss their issues like rational human beings. I’ve change policies at work and I’ve gotten involved in some real world politics (which I’m still not talking about). Quite frankly, I feel I’ve done more than most other members of AVFM.

And this is not to detract from those in AVFM who actually do something, but I find they participate little in the forums themselves. But even some of the staff started to wear on me. John, Wooley and Moon all started getting on my nerves for different reasons. The chorus surrounding them was… mildly irritating in many respects.

This… set back, if I even want to call it that, does nothing to change my views on the movement itself and the issues I feel are in need of repair. It just means I won’t be affiliated with said group any longer. And that’s just fine by me. You can have common interests and goals with people without liking anything about them. Many of my goals are also aligned with Feminists, and I don’t care for most of them.

The entire situation just kind of puzzles me more than anything else. I find myself lacking strong emotions about it one way or another. Perhaps I should be furious and tell all readers of AVFM to go fuck themselves. Perhaps I should be noble and wish them the best of luck. The truth is probably a little of each. There are people I wish to thank, like you Cat loving son-of-a-gun. And people I think could use a long walk off a short peer, and I think they know who they are.

Really the only thing this means is that of today, AVFM has one less reader. I might get linked to it every now and then, but my frequency will mimic that of Jezebel. The two are almost like a couple that everyone knows are perfect for each other, but are both so damned stubborn and pig headed it will never happen. Which is sad for the romantic in me.

With the close of each chapter, the promise of the next one. Time to read what happens next.


From → Mens Rights, MRA

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